and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
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