Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
being pregnant is like rehab
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
