I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
