take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
