tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
