We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
