farters have to be the big spoon...
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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