I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Randomize
