Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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