ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
