Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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