A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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