She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
