HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
someone owes me an orgasm
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
