its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
