smell my finger.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
