bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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