oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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