If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Randomize
