Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
Randomize
