I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
