My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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