I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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