i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
