Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Randomize
