How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
