Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
i've created a new STD.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
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