If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
