just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
