Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize