didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Those nachos came to me in a dream
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
