Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
sarcasm needs its own font
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
