Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
