True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
