a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
