I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
