its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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