Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
