Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
