considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
