No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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