ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
