Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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