Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
