so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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