In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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