6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
