Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
