Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
