we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
