We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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