i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
