I seem to have left my pride at pride
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
