You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
