I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
