Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
