i just wanna soil my oats bro
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Randomize
