Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
